Oldie Love Songs
Tuesday, Dec. 30, 2003 // 12:14 am
Everything feels real right now. It has not felt this real in months. It's kind of like I was stuck in a fantasy place for a long time but something snapped me out of it. I don't know what it was.
I just finished watching Sleepless in Seattle. I loved it. I can see me playing the character Rosie O' Donnell played. I am her and Brittney is pretty much Annie, played by Meg Ryan.
Like now... I just feel that everything is beautiful but sort of lonely.
I don't really feel like talking to Neil for a couple of days. I mean... we've had a good conversation on Sunday but on Monday he went back to the asshole he always is. And I love him. He is just so impossible to stop liking. It is so pathetic, isn't it? He loves me back too. He still sort of likes me and I know it and he knows it everybody else has probably noticed.
Then why can't we just run off and get married. Ha.
And you know what? We got into a whole big conversation about sex. I said I would do it with him... not like I am going to but I would. IF I was older. But...
Smile though your heart is aching, smile even though it's breaking, when there are clouds in the sky you'll get by, if you smile through your smile and your sorrow, smile and maybe tomorrow you'll see the sun come shining through for you.
Ah, god, whatever. I hate where this is leading me.
You should of seen Neil's face on Saturday. Yeah. He had his eyes closed and for once, looked peaceful and gentle.